My story and how seeing Judith got me through.

My story and how seeing Judith got me through.

When I met Judith my life felt like hell. To everyone (except my partner) I was fine, I was still the happy, bubbly person I always had been, I had perfected wearing a mask that much. But on the inside I questioned daily the point of being alive – what was the point of living with this much pain? But why the pain? I didn’t know what had caused it and that was my biggest question. I spent every day putting others before me, making sure everyone else’s needs were met and never my own. Being a teacher, a granddaughter of a very ill disabled grandmother, a supportive friend and family member that was a lot of people to please! I felt I was failing at everything. But I also felt like a freak – to everyone looking in my life would have seemed ideal and perfect. But I didn’t feel like that. To me it was just all hard work that I didn’t want to do anymore.

Before I met Judith I had been to my GP and been diagnosed with moderate to severe depression, he placed me on a waiting list for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I was told I would be contacted shortly – I was finally seen 3 months later! I met the therapist and found it impossible – she didn’t like the way I answered her questions, the fact I couldn’t give a reason behind my depression and that I told her I felt suicidal but would never ever act on these feelings. The next day my GP called and told me that the therapist felt I was ‘too much to handle’ and refused to work with me again! It was my very nightmare therapy coming true.

Then I found Judith...

Within a week of contacting Judith via email I had an appointment the following Saturday. It was so important to me that I could have appointments in the evenings or at the weekend, that worked best for me and meant that my partner could drop me off for moral support. My first hour flew by, I explained my story so far and felt I was being listened to and understood for the first time.

Soon I had weekly evening appointments. I will be honest, sometimes I really didn’t want to go, it was hard and sometimes I did leave with more questions but I never once doubted that the sessions were helping me. I loved the fact that the sessions started with how my week had been and that determined what course the session took, if something was particularly troubling me I had a way of dealing with it then and there.

She made me realise what an important person I was to so many people and that to carry on looking after and supporting others I had to do this to myself first. She almost gave me a reason to relax, take a step back and for the first time ever put myself first.

I found that Judith often led me to answering my own questions. Sitting here and writing this I realise that actually one of Judith’s great skills was making me think we did it together. She didn’t change my life, we did it together. This has given me the strength to carry on on my own, to not feel the need to see a Counsellor and feel that I have my life in my own hands.

Being honest, I still get days when I feel down, that I question life. But I know form the sessions and my education about depression that it never goes away. But now I can recognise that feeling within a day, I take a step back, look at what is getting on top of me and have some ‘me time’. I think of the things I learnt and what Judith taught me and carry on. I have learnt that I am my priority and to keep with the life I choose to lead I must care about myself.

If I became ill again, or even thought that I had that feeling I would call Judith without a second thought. So few people understand the mind of a depressive, what people actually feel like and to meet Judith, to have never ever felt judged, forced into a corner or let down by someone who I had never met before was incredible. Judith helped fix me, improve me, heal me and just make me me again. Without a doubt visiting Judith was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life and helped make my life what it is today. I only wish I had gone to see her earlier!